Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Peek A Boo

This is a journey, not a destination. My struggles are normal. My struggles mean I am human. To err is to be human. Everyday I will wake up and I will struggle with my weight and my curse that is diabetes. Everyday I will fight with food, the thing that nourishes our bodies but can also kill us. Everyday I will have hundreds of numbers in my head. It is all so confusing, so overwhelming. I want instant results or I tire of this bullshit day in and day out. Diabetes is no joke. I hate it. I hate that it lives inside me. Its just there, in my face, taunting me and every bite of food I take. On my bad days that I eat all that ice cream to the good days....Even on those good days when my numbers aren't where they should be, I get so frustrated. Not only do I have to eat within my calories I also have to keep tight control on how many carbs I eat. Carbs are in EVERYTHING and just the smallest amount causes my blood sugar to sky rocket. That means that big plate of pasta you're eating...I'll be lucky if I can have 1/4 cup of it..WHOLE WHEAT even. 1 SMALL potato. I feel betrayed by my body. It makes me angry that I have to work so hard, with such little results. Today I sat through a diabetes education class at the local hospital. I was the youngest one in there. EVERYONE was at LEAST over 50. The older people behind me were hilarious. This older man from New York was trying to sweet talk his way out of being diabetic lol Giving every reason why or why not this and that. Sigh.

To make a long story short, I'm still here. I'm dealing with this crap my own way. I'm still up and down a few pounds, but that's my own fault.

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