Monday, July 11, 2011

Warning: Negitive Nancy here!

A lot of you know that right now is not a great time in my life. We are having financial concerns and also some personal things going on. They are making it all very hard to focus, on anything frankly. Some days I feel ok, and some days I just want to lay in my bed all day and feel sorry for myself. I'm at a time right now where I feel stagnant and sort of lost. Not just in my weight loss but in life in general. Feelings of hopelessness and no relief anytime in the near future. I'm tired and I feel defeated. I used to believe so much in karma, but find it hard believing that now. My husband and I are good people. He is a good man that takes care of me and our little family. He went to college, got a masters degree, did everything he was "supposed" to do, yet everything is struggle for us. I know a lot of is the fact that he is a victim of the economy and people our age are having a hard time right now building our futures. But I don't know how much longer we can hang on with losing everything. I feel like we are only going through the motions right now and not living at all. I hate looking into my husbands eyes and seeing the pain of him feeling like a failure. Because he is.
On top of all this, I'm dealing with some serious emotional and mental health issues myself. Things with my extended family. Watching my grandmother deteriorate from Alzheimer's, not talking much and soon not knowing who we are. Watching the rest of my family self destruct. I don't want to be that. Them. Never learning to face their issues and ignoring them until they are what they are now. Miserable, sad, and wasting what little time they have left on this earth. Every step in my life has been an extreme struggle. I struggle to be happy, to live a normal life. I'm fighting for my life- Mentally, emotionally and health wise. I want to be free from despair. I want to LIVE! I don't want to die unhealthy and miserable.

Everyday my health weighs heavy on my heart and head. They say knowledge is power, but sometimes it makes you too aware. Chickens are modified to be twice as big as they used to and pumped FULL of antibiotics. This is the POISON we put into our bodies everyday! Did you know the fillers for ground beef (FILLERS...WHY ARE THERE FILLERS IN MEAT) are WASHED IN AMMONIA to get rid of the E-Coli bacteria because cows are not grass fed anymore they..they are corn fed which breads the bacterias?! Tomatoes are ripened anymore naturally, they done so by GAS. We have become a society of convenience and money. Which in turns makes us fat, lazy, greedy and UNHEALTHY. I'm scared for my life, my families life and the well being of our world as a whole.

But need a great deal of money to buy the proper foods. Whole foods, organic grass fed meats, veggies, fruit. Who can afford to really do this? Not I...

Do or Die..

Looks like I may die before I even get a chance...                                                    

1 comment:

  1. HUGS! Things are rough right now, I know, but I have faith that you guys have good stuff on the horizon.

    I hear you on the food front. I really, really, really want to buy all organic produce and to buy humanely raised and slaughtered organic meats...but this costs roughly 2-3 times our current grocery budget and there's just nowhere else to pull money from. Our entertainment budget is a $15 a month Netflix subscription. Our cell phone plan is the bottom of the line plan with no texting. We have no cable, and the least expensive DSL available. We buy clothes only when family members send us birthday or Christmas money. I digress...

    I think we just have to do the best we can. Pick one or two things that matter to you and stick to those. For me, it's most important that Ry eats organic, so most of the stuff we buy for him is organic. I compromise on food for Dylan and I when I have to, but still pick only whole foods, no processed crap. We can only do so much.

    Hugs and love, hon! You have people who love you and are here to support you, remember that!