Tuesday, July 19, 2011

For the love of...Well, me.

I'm doing this for me. I know, how selfish. A discussion recently came up on Facebook (because that is my social life) about my weight loss. Some people say things like 'Oh you are beautiful, you don't need to lose weight'. I truly appreciate the kind words. Its always nice to hear that other people think you are attractive. But to be honest, this has nothing to do with my looks. Frankly, I feel good mostly about how I look. The fact remains: I am losing weight because I am grossly overweight and I need to be healthy. Here some fun facts for you to think about:

  • I have uncontrolled Type 2 diabetes
  • I have varicose and spider veins due to my weight
  • I cant run for more then 10-15 seconds without a lung collapsing
  • There are seats/rides/spaces I simply cannot fit into
  • I had a heart murmur repaired at age 3
  • I have diminishing cartilage in my joints
  • I don't know for sure, but Id say I have the start of arthritis and osteoarthritis 

The sad and very real fact is this: If I do not lose weight now, I will not live a long life. The life I will live will be a very painful one with joint pain, back pain, knee pain, depression, a cabinet full of medications and a life of solitude. That's not what I signed up for.

Yes, I am losing weight for myself. But it also benefit others.

  • I will be around for my husband to grow old with
  • My son will never know what its like to be grossly out of shape and fat his entire life
  • He also wont know the shame of having an overweight parent too embarrassed to do anything with him in public
  • Physical fitness and activity will always be apart of our lives
  • I will see my children grow and hopefully have their own children
  • Maybe one day I can help someone else find the strength inside to get healthy
I think a lot of time most people don't understand how momentous and huge this is for me. For the first time in my life I have taken control of my life. Losing weight has not only made me feel better but it also has given me new perspective on many things in my life. People of normal weight, that have never have food issues, weight issues, health issues...They just cant understand. A fat persons relationship with food is as toxic as a drug addicts relationship with drugs. We need it, think about it, crave it. It's something Im still working on, and I know that I always will no matter what my weight is. 

But for now Do or Die people. Get out there and do it.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Warning: Negitive Nancy here!

A lot of you know that right now is not a great time in my life. We are having financial concerns and also some personal things going on. They are making it all very hard to focus, on anything frankly. Some days I feel ok, and some days I just want to lay in my bed all day and feel sorry for myself. I'm at a time right now where I feel stagnant and sort of lost. Not just in my weight loss but in life in general. Feelings of hopelessness and no relief anytime in the near future. I'm tired and I feel defeated. I used to believe so much in karma, but find it hard believing that now. My husband and I are good people. He is a good man that takes care of me and our little family. He went to college, got a masters degree, did everything he was "supposed" to do, yet everything is struggle for us. I know a lot of is the fact that he is a victim of the economy and people our age are having a hard time right now building our futures. But I don't know how much longer we can hang on with losing everything. I feel like we are only going through the motions right now and not living at all. I hate looking into my husbands eyes and seeing the pain of him feeling like a failure. Because he is.
On top of all this, I'm dealing with some serious emotional and mental health issues myself. Things with my extended family. Watching my grandmother deteriorate from Alzheimer's, not talking much and soon not knowing who we are. Watching the rest of my family self destruct. I don't want to be that. Them. Never learning to face their issues and ignoring them until they are what they are now. Miserable, sad, and wasting what little time they have left on this earth. Every step in my life has been an extreme struggle. I struggle to be happy, to live a normal life. I'm fighting for my life- Mentally, emotionally and health wise. I want to be free from despair. I want to LIVE! I don't want to die unhealthy and miserable.

Everyday my health weighs heavy on my heart and head. They say knowledge is power, but sometimes it makes you too aware. Chickens are modified to be twice as big as they used to and pumped FULL of antibiotics. This is the POISON we put into our bodies everyday! Did you know the fillers for ground beef (FILLERS...WHY ARE THERE FILLERS IN MEAT) are WASHED IN AMMONIA to get rid of the E-Coli bacteria because cows are not grass fed anymore they..they are corn fed which breads the bacterias?! Tomatoes are ripened anymore naturally, they done so by GAS. We have become a society of convenience and money. Which in turns makes us fat, lazy, greedy and UNHEALTHY. I'm scared for my life, my families life and the well being of our world as a whole.

But alas...you need a great deal of money to buy the proper foods. Whole foods, organic grass fed meats, veggies, fruit. Who can afford to really do this? Not I...

Do or Die..

Looks like I may die before I even get a chance...                                                    

Friday, July 8, 2011

Let's have some more public accountability!

I'll make this post short and sweet :-)

Week 1- April 13                                     Week 12- July 6

Waist- 47''                                                 Waist- 44''   -3 inches

Hips- 57.5''                                                Hips- 54.75'' -2 1/4 inches

Bust- 46.5''                                                Bust- 45.5''  -1 inch

So, in closing, Awesome :-)