When I think about doing this sometimes, the road seems so long. It may seem impossible even. But I know that the payoff is greater then any cheeseburger I could ever shove in my face. Doing this means I have to put off having more children right now. That is my biggest motivator I think. I know that when I've met my goal, my body will be in a much better state to have more babies. I wont have diabetes anymore, not to mention I wont be carrying around all that extra weight! Even knowing all this, it's still hard for me to fathom waiting 2-3 more years...I'll be in my mid 30's by then (scary)! But a plus is knowing it will probably happen much easier and be a much more healthy pregnancy. Gotta keep my eye on the prize!
July is getting closer. July 27 was my due date. I wonder how that month will be for me. I have so many friends around me having babies, and getting pregnant...I really am happy for all of them, but its bittersweet because I should be there too. I cant help to think my unhealthy body ended that pregnancy. I don't so much feel guilt, just anger that I allowed myself to get here. I think that was my eye opener, the thing that made me say I'm done, I need a change. Life is mysterious and mostly doesn't work out the way we plan it. Why would this be any different? lol
In happier news, I had a wonderful time with my BFF and her hubs last night. I was baby/husband free! Also, I am no spring chicken and apparently cannot hang like that anymore cuz I still feel like shit lol I did snack a little more then I intended, but ye is life. It's all a process, and the important thing is that I am not giving up. It was just one night and I'm fine today!